My Big Messy Life!
As 2018 comes to a close, I reflect upon the days and my growth, as a business owner, mom, friend, woman and life-long learner…
For me, 2018 has been a year of love, loss, pain, sorrow, joy, friendship, expansion and change. Moving out into my own place in March from a 20-year marriage was a huge leap of faith into the unknown. It led me forward into new territory, new landscapes, new relationships, and to opportunities that opened me up in places I didn’t even know were closed. It was scary and also exciting at the same time. Something inside of me was yearning to express itself.
The decision to move into my own place was not an easy one, and it is still a process. I recall back in February contemplating whether to actually sign the lease, so I called my friend Martin who listened attentively to me and then replied, “You need to BREATHE. Take some time for you. Give yourself some space.” And that's what I did.
After experiencing the loss of my mother in October of 2017, and many other rocky moments throughout the last 10 years, including financial challenges, a breast cancer diagnosis, marital upsets, teen issues and friendship losses I decided YES, I indeed needed the space to grieve and reconnect with ME— from a place of love, from a place of self-care, from a place of remembering who I am, what lights me up, what my special gifts are and how best to use them.
With each passing month, I met new people, had new experiences, traveled more, dove deeper into my business, got bolder in my conversations, hired a coach, went to therapy, stepped through "walls of fire" that were unbelievably uncomfortable, scary and anxiety provoking. At the same time, those moments took me to new heights, new levels of confidence and realigned me with my truth - ultimately allowing me to take off the armor surrounding my heart that I had been wearing for so so so long.
Most people that meet me, or know me, reflect back to me that I bring a state of calm and serenity to the environment. Truthfully, with all that has been going on in my life these past many years, it was hard for me to see that, especially because I had so much inner turmoil that was blocking the view.
Being on my own this year, in a small, cozy, charming, comfortable, safe, nurturing setting, allowed me to open my eyes to the beauty inside me and in others. Things became clearer this year. I began to see with wholehearted conviction that we are all connected; that we are all broken; that we all crave love, affection and validation; that we all come from families that have secrets, trauma, dysfunction, pain and unmet needs. Sometimes these things are talked about in the open and sometimes they are hidden away in a box, in a secret letter, in a painful place of the heart or in a hard to reach corner of the soul.
As a nutritionist and wellness coach, I am privy to hear peoples stories—that includes both my friends and my clients. In order to help my clients move towards their goals, I ask tough questions. I go deep. I get bold. Not to pry. Not to judge. Not to create a feeling of shame, embarrassment or upset. It's actually quite the opposite. It's about helping them shed light on the dark. Helping them see what they may not be seeing. That they are beautiful. That they are amazing. That they are enough.
And through my coaching others, I see myself. That we are all connected. That we are all one. That we are all trying our best to show up for ourselves, our families, our children, our loved ones, our clients, businesses, friends and others. That as human beings we crave happiness, love and connection.
With a few days left in this year, I wanted to take a moment to say thank you, and wish you good health, joy and happiness in the coming days and months ahead. I hope you will take the time to reflect on your own life—where you are shining bright and where you are hiding out.
My intention for 2019 is to keep shining bright. To inspire others with my knowledge and special gifts. To lead live events like Project Radiance/ LA. And to stand up and share my story—even when it scares the heck out of me!
Let this new year be YOUR year. The year you became the fullest most beautiful you. The year you shed the negative stories and the burdens you've been carrying for so long. Put down the backpacks of pain, take off the armor that guards your heart, get out of your comfort zone, live your life healthy and feel the love that wants to be expressed.
I know I'm going to try to my best to do that, but if I fall—please remind me of this letter and my truth. Amen.
Happy New Year!
a wonderful way to start the new year…
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